Tri-umph
Every February, I suffer from flashbacks. Most of them involve me, in my car, either lost or trapped in traffic, trying to wrap my head around the fact that I might, I probably or I definitely have cancer. Fortunately each year the memories, while no less vivid, are a little less painful. All of those flashbacks culminate in today, my third cancerversary.
February 23 is a day that I both celebrate and mourn. As my friend Marika recently wrote, her cancerversary left her feeling "a combination of pride, dread, sadness, happiness, and relief. Sound schizophrenic? Welcome to life as a cancer survivor." I'm actually having a little bit of trouble writing this post because Marika said it all so well!
To say I'm thrilled with my third cancerversary is an understatement of ginormous proportions. My life has grown and changed in the past two years in ways I could not have dreamed possible on that night in 2007. My life is full and rewarding and keeps me so busy that I fortunately don't have much time to think about cancer anymore. My health is the best it's been since my diagnosis and I feel that maybe, just maybe, three years out I am finally recovering from treatment. I've lost all but 4 pounds of the weight I gained from the steroids and the radiation. And that, and more, will soon be gone, too. The crushing fatigue from the tamoxifen is something that I deal with less and less.
And while three years is no guarantee, every day that passes without a recurrence increases the likelihood that there won't be one. I'm comfortable with the treatment decisions I've made. My doctor has steered me down the right path and it seems that each new decision we make is in quick order supported by research. At my last oncologist appointment, he suggested that I start taking aspirin to reduce the risk of blood clots, a risk that is increased by the tamoxifen. Just last week a study was released showing that aspirin may help reduce the risk of recurrence in breast cancer survivors. Similarly, shortly after I stopped taking the medicine that was supposed to help with the tamoxifen side effects, studies were released showing that it probably interfered with tamoxifen's effectiveness. I don't know if he has some super secret crystal ball into the research or what, but he's got my confidence. I've even come to accept the fact that I still have two and half more years to take tamoxifen. I might not like how it makes me feel, but being alive and sometimes feeling crappy is definitely better than the alternative.
Now that the occasion has been duly noted, I'll go back to being too busy to think about cancer, at least until the next pink postcard arrives for a scan or some other checkup, and celebrate my life by living it!
February 23 is a day that I both celebrate and mourn. As my friend Marika recently wrote, her cancerversary left her feeling "a combination of pride, dread, sadness, happiness, and relief. Sound schizophrenic? Welcome to life as a cancer survivor." I'm actually having a little bit of trouble writing this post because Marika said it all so well!
To say I'm thrilled with my third cancerversary is an understatement of ginormous proportions. My life has grown and changed in the past two years in ways I could not have dreamed possible on that night in 2007. My life is full and rewarding and keeps me so busy that I fortunately don't have much time to think about cancer anymore. My health is the best it's been since my diagnosis and I feel that maybe, just maybe, three years out I am finally recovering from treatment. I've lost all but 4 pounds of the weight I gained from the steroids and the radiation. And that, and more, will soon be gone, too. The crushing fatigue from the tamoxifen is something that I deal with less and less.
And while three years is no guarantee, every day that passes without a recurrence increases the likelihood that there won't be one. I'm comfortable with the treatment decisions I've made. My doctor has steered me down the right path and it seems that each new decision we make is in quick order supported by research. At my last oncologist appointment, he suggested that I start taking aspirin to reduce the risk of blood clots, a risk that is increased by the tamoxifen. Just last week a study was released showing that aspirin may help reduce the risk of recurrence in breast cancer survivors. Similarly, shortly after I stopped taking the medicine that was supposed to help with the tamoxifen side effects, studies were released showing that it probably interfered with tamoxifen's effectiveness. I don't know if he has some super secret crystal ball into the research or what, but he's got my confidence. I've even come to accept the fact that I still have two and half more years to take tamoxifen. I might not like how it makes me feel, but being alive and sometimes feeling crappy is definitely better than the alternative.
Now that the occasion has been duly noted, I'll go back to being too busy to think about cancer, at least until the next pink postcard arrives for a scan or some other checkup, and celebrate my life by living it!
Comments