Life After Cancer
I know that there have been a couple of new folks reading my blog over the past few weeks, and I know that some of them went all the way back to the first entry and started from the beginning. When I found out people were doing this, I honestly couldn't remember what I was writing about, so I forced myself to go back and reread everything I've written over the past 18 months. It wasn't fun.
At times I wondered who this person was, because she sounded a lot more confident about everything then I ever remember feeling. Maybe I was just delusional. I wonder if I actually believed chemo was going to be the breeze I made it sound like, or if I was putting on a brave face. And if so, was the brave face for you, or was I trying to convince myself?
Even though I thought the time would never come, I don't spend every moment thinking about cancer like I did a year ago. I still think about it at least once a day, but trust me, that's a lot less than before. And I think this distance has blurred the edges of the whole experience a little and colored the memory somewhat less painful than the actual experience seemed at the time. Only when I tell my story with all of the gory details, or force myself to read about it, do I remember how much my bones hurt after chemo or what my skin felt like during radiation. I'm glad that these details are something I have to remind myself of and not something that's always on my mind.
This spring, my life has changed, positively, in so many ways and I can see that there is life after cancer. Because I'm so enjoying living that life, my posting is going to become less frequent. I'll try to check in every week or so, and I'll still post pictures of Jackson since I know that's what you all want to see anyway, but I'm going to try to enjoy the little things like my mowing my lawn and spend less time in front of the computer. I really didn't know where this was headed when I sat down to write it, but I think the time has come to make the switch. It has meant so much to me to know you've all been out there reading and pulling for me; thank you. I'll try not to be a stranger.
At times I wondered who this person was, because she sounded a lot more confident about everything then I ever remember feeling. Maybe I was just delusional. I wonder if I actually believed chemo was going to be the breeze I made it sound like, or if I was putting on a brave face. And if so, was the brave face for you, or was I trying to convince myself?
Even though I thought the time would never come, I don't spend every moment thinking about cancer like I did a year ago. I still think about it at least once a day, but trust me, that's a lot less than before. And I think this distance has blurred the edges of the whole experience a little and colored the memory somewhat less painful than the actual experience seemed at the time. Only when I tell my story with all of the gory details, or force myself to read about it, do I remember how much my bones hurt after chemo or what my skin felt like during radiation. I'm glad that these details are something I have to remind myself of and not something that's always on my mind.
This spring, my life has changed, positively, in so many ways and I can see that there is life after cancer. Because I'm so enjoying living that life, my posting is going to become less frequent. I'll try to check in every week or so, and I'll still post pictures of Jackson since I know that's what you all want to see anyway, but I'm going to try to enjoy the little things like my mowing my lawn and spend less time in front of the computer. I really didn't know where this was headed when I sat down to write it, but I think the time has come to make the switch. It has meant so much to me to know you've all been out there reading and pulling for me; thank you. I'll try not to be a stranger.
Comments
Suzan
I have enjoyed keeping up with YOU and your family through your blog. Congratulations on your new job and new home!!!
Hugs,
Karen :)