DIY: Drain It Yourself
I've been getting a lot of questions about the drains. What are they exactly? Where are they? Do they hurt? So, I've decided to give you instructions to create your own drains from materials you have around the house and let you decide for yourself.
What you'll need:
A garden hose
2 gallon-sized zipper bags
A needle & thread
2 empty soda cans
A Phillips-head screwdriver
1. Take the screwdriver and stab yourself with it. To mimic the location of my drains, you would need to make these holes at the 4 o'clock position on the left, and the 8 o'clock position on the right, using the breast as the clock.
2. Insert the garden hose into the hole you've created with the screwdriver. Not big enough? Wiggle the screwdriver around until it is.
3. Cut the hose to a length approximately six inches from the floor. The specific measurement will vary depending on your height.
4. Take your screwdriver and poke a hole in the bottom of one of the soda cans. Insert the end of the hose into this hole.
5. Attach the freezer bag to the mouth of the can.
6. Using your needle and thread, stitch the garden hose to your side about an inch below the hole you created in your chest. Make sure that the stitch is below the point in the hose that it is attached to, so that it is always pulling slightly on your skin.
7. Repeat for the other side.
Now that you have created your drains, there are a couple of things you should know.
You must NOT allow the entry point to your body to get wet, lest infection set in and you die. Wrap yourself in plastic kitchen wrap before attempting to shower. Good luck with that, though, what with trying to hold up the drains and all. Now that you're wet, you can try to dry yourself off without getting the towel tangled up in the drains.
Don't forget to pick the drains up and take them with you when you move. Also make sure that one of them does not fall out of bed while you are sleeping (on your back since you now have giant tubes coming out of your sides). I also advise against stepping on them, getting a tube caught on something you are walking past, or just dropping one while you're walking around.
Just when you think you have had enough and surely nothing else is coming through your hose, you must "milk" the hose to clear any clots or blockages. This involves pinching the top of the hose with one hand while squeezing with the other and moving down the length of the tube to the can. Then stand back and be amazed as the level of drainage increases again, dooming you to another week of the drains.
What you'll need:
A garden hose
2 gallon-sized zipper bags
A needle & thread
2 empty soda cans
A Phillips-head screwdriver
1. Take the screwdriver and stab yourself with it. To mimic the location of my drains, you would need to make these holes at the 4 o'clock position on the left, and the 8 o'clock position on the right, using the breast as the clock.
2. Insert the garden hose into the hole you've created with the screwdriver. Not big enough? Wiggle the screwdriver around until it is.
3. Cut the hose to a length approximately six inches from the floor. The specific measurement will vary depending on your height.
4. Take your screwdriver and poke a hole in the bottom of one of the soda cans. Insert the end of the hose into this hole.
5. Attach the freezer bag to the mouth of the can.
6. Using your needle and thread, stitch the garden hose to your side about an inch below the hole you created in your chest. Make sure that the stitch is below the point in the hose that it is attached to, so that it is always pulling slightly on your skin.
7. Repeat for the other side.
Now that you have created your drains, there are a couple of things you should know.
You must NOT allow the entry point to your body to get wet, lest infection set in and you die. Wrap yourself in plastic kitchen wrap before attempting to shower. Good luck with that, though, what with trying to hold up the drains and all. Now that you're wet, you can try to dry yourself off without getting the towel tangled up in the drains.
Don't forget to pick the drains up and take them with you when you move. Also make sure that one of them does not fall out of bed while you are sleeping (on your back since you now have giant tubes coming out of your sides). I also advise against stepping on them, getting a tube caught on something you are walking past, or just dropping one while you're walking around.
Just when you think you have had enough and surely nothing else is coming through your hose, you must "milk" the hose to clear any clots or blockages. This involves pinching the top of the hose with one hand while squeezing with the other and moving down the length of the tube to the can. Then stand back and be amazed as the level of drainage increases again, dooming you to another week of the drains.
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