It's Not My Bag, Baby!
So, I got my drains put back in today. And what fun that turned out to be. I had anticipated a quick, 30 minute max. type procedure, but that was my first mistake. The hospital couldn't find my paperwork when I got there, and that should have tipped me off that things wouldn't go according to my plan. Once they found the paper that said what I had told them three times, they didn't know what to do with me. I got put into the "overflow" procedure room. It was about the size of my bathroom and had to accommodate me on a stretcher, an ultrasound machine, the guy doing the drain insertion, some other completely worthless technician, and a doctor. No idea why the doctor was there as he brought nothing to the table.
Once all of these people were assembled in the closet, I mean, procedure room, they realized that they had none of the equipment necessary. So all three people had to leave the room for thirty minutes while they apparently drove to the Wal-Mart down the street to get what they needed. I lay on the table covered in ultrasound goo and a towel.
Once the three stooges got their act together, things went pretty smoothly. Needle stick, insert guide wire, insert drainage tube, suction off some fluid, screw in a drain. This is where the reality of the day took a serious departure from my vision. The drains I had post surgery are what is known as Jackson-Pratt drains. I didn't think they were small at the time, but they're about the size of a hand grenade and that's what they looked like. I'm sure you can find a picture online. But the package that was opened and attached to me was referred to as an "accordion" and is about the same size. I think they are actually colostomy bags. I said "Are you sure you don't have anything bigger you could use?" and the only response I got was to not be a smart ass to the guy with a big needle in my chest.
So, my plans for small drains that would be easily concealed and would allow me to still sleep on my side are down the drain. I emptied out a purse that I can wear across my body and have the drains in there, so I guess I'll be wearing my purse a lot. You can still kind of see the tubes full o'blood and stuff, but whatever. I just hope that the security guards at work don't think I'm hiding some sort of bomb.
I go to the doctor next Tuesday for what is supposed to be my first expansion, so hopefully she will take the drains out then. If not, I'm going to have to be put in a padded room because more than a week of this will surely drive me crazy.
Once all of these people were assembled in the closet, I mean, procedure room, they realized that they had none of the equipment necessary. So all three people had to leave the room for thirty minutes while they apparently drove to the Wal-Mart down the street to get what they needed. I lay on the table covered in ultrasound goo and a towel.
Once the three stooges got their act together, things went pretty smoothly. Needle stick, insert guide wire, insert drainage tube, suction off some fluid, screw in a drain. This is where the reality of the day took a serious departure from my vision. The drains I had post surgery are what is known as Jackson-Pratt drains. I didn't think they were small at the time, but they're about the size of a hand grenade and that's what they looked like. I'm sure you can find a picture online. But the package that was opened and attached to me was referred to as an "accordion" and is about the same size. I think they are actually colostomy bags. I said "Are you sure you don't have anything bigger you could use?" and the only response I got was to not be a smart ass to the guy with a big needle in my chest.
So, my plans for small drains that would be easily concealed and would allow me to still sleep on my side are down the drain. I emptied out a purse that I can wear across my body and have the drains in there, so I guess I'll be wearing my purse a lot. You can still kind of see the tubes full o'blood and stuff, but whatever. I just hope that the security guards at work don't think I'm hiding some sort of bomb.
I go to the doctor next Tuesday for what is supposed to be my first expansion, so hopefully she will take the drains out then. If not, I'm going to have to be put in a padded room because more than a week of this will surely drive me crazy.
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