I'd Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing At All?
Before cancer, I don't remember ever having unexplained aches and pains. Sure, things hurt sometimes, though not as often as they do now, but I usually knew why. But now I'm in that scary place I've heard other cancer survivors talk about but never thought I'd actually go myself. Like I'm somehow better than the tricks cancer can play on your head. My back hurts. It's not just a little sore, it's practically paralyzing. I went to the bathroom at work today and was afraid I was going to be found in the stall sometime in the wee hours of the morning by a custodian because I couldn't get back up.
Let me back up. Pun intended. It's been sore for a few weeks. Saturday I got up and thought someone had come in and snapped my spine in the middle of the night. I casually asked my oncologist when I was there last month when I should start to officially worry and he said if something hurts and doesn't get better for more than a week, call me. But everything was moving along so nicely for me that I didn't even want to think about going down that road again, so I acted like it was no big deal. And he said that if there is something there, statistically it doesn't matter if we find it now or in a few weeks or a month. So I decided to just wait and hope it got better.
Now I'm trying to come up with any possible explanation, other than a spine metastasis, that would explain the pain. My bed is too soft. Carrying my laptop to work everyday is hurting my back. I twisted/pulled/strained something and just didn't notice it at the time. Hopefully, and probably, it is one of these things. But that's one of the crappy things about cancer. Once you have it, you can never have an innocent back ache, headache, toe ache or even zit again.
If the pain stays excruciating, maybe I'll call the doctor and get a scan, but until then, I'm just going to take a Tylenol and stick my head back in the sand. Well, I would if I could bend over.
Let me back up. Pun intended. It's been sore for a few weeks. Saturday I got up and thought someone had come in and snapped my spine in the middle of the night. I casually asked my oncologist when I was there last month when I should start to officially worry and he said if something hurts and doesn't get better for more than a week, call me. But everything was moving along so nicely for me that I didn't even want to think about going down that road again, so I acted like it was no big deal. And he said that if there is something there, statistically it doesn't matter if we find it now or in a few weeks or a month. So I decided to just wait and hope it got better.
Now I'm trying to come up with any possible explanation, other than a spine metastasis, that would explain the pain. My bed is too soft. Carrying my laptop to work everyday is hurting my back. I twisted/pulled/strained something and just didn't notice it at the time. Hopefully, and probably, it is one of these things. But that's one of the crappy things about cancer. Once you have it, you can never have an innocent back ache, headache, toe ache or even zit again.
If the pain stays excruciating, maybe I'll call the doctor and get a scan, but until then, I'm just going to take a Tylenol and stick my head back in the sand. Well, I would if I could bend over.
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