Here's Your Sign
After yesterday's CT scan and doctor's appointment, I decided last night would be a perfect time for another dose of retail therapy. I'm not yet feeling up to returning to the gym or kickboxing but I'm sick of watching crap television and rotting on the couch. So to the mall! While I was wandering past one of the cart/kiosks that crowd the mall, a woman approached me and said, "Would you like to see our new hair straighteners?" "Sure," I replied. "Well, if you'll just take off your bandanna, I'll be happy to show you how it works." You asked for it. After I took off my bandanna, the only thing she could say was, "Umm. Umm. Umm." She was still saying, "Umm" when I said, "Thanks anyway," and walked away. I know it was mean, but she made it so easy. A bald girl has to have a little fun.
I needed last night's shopping trip as a distraction because I got a little upset during my CT scan yesterday. While I was staying very still on the table as it moved through the machine, I couldn't help but think, "What if they see cancer?" I knew the technicians couldn't tell me anything and that that wasn't even really the purpose of the scan, but what if, after all of the surgery and the chemo, there was still something there? If I had gotten to see my doctor, I would have asked her about it, but she got called away to an emergency. I didn't want to cry in front of some doctor I had never met while he was drawing on my chest so I didn't say anything at all. I think he knew I was upset because he was trying to make me laugh. "It doesn't take a doctor to find a breast and mark it," he said. "But I've got to have something to do all day." I wonder how much he'll charge for that. I know that if something does show up on the scan that Dr. H will call me; she'll probably even call me before I see her next week anyway to tell me everything was clear. But I'm afraid this fear is going to be with me forever, that every time I have a scan or x-ray or blood test I'm going to wonder.
Mark your calendars! The 2008 Race for the Cure will be held on June 7, 2008 here in DC! I hope you will all join us next year.
I needed last night's shopping trip as a distraction because I got a little upset during my CT scan yesterday. While I was staying very still on the table as it moved through the machine, I couldn't help but think, "What if they see cancer?" I knew the technicians couldn't tell me anything and that that wasn't even really the purpose of the scan, but what if, after all of the surgery and the chemo, there was still something there? If I had gotten to see my doctor, I would have asked her about it, but she got called away to an emergency. I didn't want to cry in front of some doctor I had never met while he was drawing on my chest so I didn't say anything at all. I think he knew I was upset because he was trying to make me laugh. "It doesn't take a doctor to find a breast and mark it," he said. "But I've got to have something to do all day." I wonder how much he'll charge for that. I know that if something does show up on the scan that Dr. H will call me; she'll probably even call me before I see her next week anyway to tell me everything was clear. But I'm afraid this fear is going to be with me forever, that every time I have a scan or x-ray or blood test I'm going to wonder.
Mark your calendars! The 2008 Race for the Cure will be held on June 7, 2008 here in DC! I hope you will all join us next year.
Comments
You are special. Whatever life gives you, sit back and enjoy, and know that you are loved.
There are lots of prayers here for you; thanks for those precious turtles!! We will cherish them.
Know you ARE in God's hands - and HE will restore you completely. When you have those CT SCan moments of fear, remember to express confidence to God that He is going to get you through this (your life DOES belong to him more than it does to you....remember that! I often forget that fact and hence, look at my life! ha) If you would ask him for that spiritual confidence, and ask with your WHOLE HEART, you will receive it.
This is no Billy Graham crusade, so you can relax. But it's true.....trust me! :)
We are behind you all the way.
Hope you are feeling better.
Love LOVE LOVE your stunt with the mall salesman!!! I laughed out loud!
Take care,
:) Suzan