Mental (In)Stability
I had a good chat with my oncologist this afternoon and it turns out that my current freak-out is perfectly normal, if a little ahead of schedule. Normally this state of terror doesn't start until radiation ends. My counts were the lowest they've ever been today; even the phlebotomist expressed concern that I might not be able to get my next chemo. Thanks for the concern, but I'm not doing any more chemo! If I were, I'd have to take those damn shots again and probably wouldn't be able to get chemo on schedule. Oh well. I just have to be careful not to pick up any infection.
One of the questions I had for the doctor was about a test that was not performed on my tumor called the Oncotype Dx. This test can estimate the risk of recurrence and help determine the value of chemo. He said he probably would have done this test but that he had no doubt chemo was the right decision for me and that there is no benefit to doing the test now.
I also expressed concern about some of the studies that were discussed at the ASCO conference a few weeks ago. The two main things bothering me we the findings that 92% of women derive no benefit from the chemo regimen I had and that ER+ women are least likely to benefit from chemo. He said that these studies were done on post-menopausal women and that because breast cancer is more aggressive in women my age, chemo is of benefit to me.
I was kind of weepy and told him that I hoped this was a sign that I am hormonal and that my period was about to return. He said it would probably not come back for about six months. By then I will be taking Tamoxifen, so it may not come back at all until I stop taking that. In five years. He is confident that I won't have any problems getting pregnant and that chemo has had no adverse impact on my eggs or ovaries and my kids will not be born with two heads or anything. It is possible to get pregnant while taking Tamoxifen, even though I may not be menstruating, so that should be avoided, but he doesn't think that this whole thing will impact my ability to have children. He might also support taking Tamoxifen for two years, having a baby and then resuming the Taxomifen, but I'm missing 50% of that equation right now, so we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
He couldn't promise that my cancer won't come back, but he doesn't have any reason to think it will. He said he'd only be able to say I was cured when I was 70 or 80 and hanging out with my 18 grandkids. He said he could almost promise me that I would, at some point during the next five years, have a scare of some sort where I found a lump or my back hurt and we'd have to wait a few days to get it scanned and I would lose sleep over it and it would end up being nothing. He was very nice about reassuring me that I had done everything that we needed to do to fight this and that most likely everything would be fine, but understood that this is cancer and it is something that I will worry about a lot.
If nothing else, I know that I'm normal and certainly not the first cancer patient to have this little freak out. I think now that chemo is over I've actually stopped for the first time to process the enormity of the situation and I'm not going to lie to you, that part sucks. But life must go on!
I go back in six weeks to see him and we'll start Tamoxifen then. Tomorrow morning I go for my radiation simulation and I'll learn more about that process and when I start, etc. I'll be sure to fill you in afterwards!
One of the questions I had for the doctor was about a test that was not performed on my tumor called the Oncotype Dx. This test can estimate the risk of recurrence and help determine the value of chemo. He said he probably would have done this test but that he had no doubt chemo was the right decision for me and that there is no benefit to doing the test now.
I also expressed concern about some of the studies that were discussed at the ASCO conference a few weeks ago. The two main things bothering me we the findings that 92% of women derive no benefit from the chemo regimen I had and that ER+ women are least likely to benefit from chemo. He said that these studies were done on post-menopausal women and that because breast cancer is more aggressive in women my age, chemo is of benefit to me.
I was kind of weepy and told him that I hoped this was a sign that I am hormonal and that my period was about to return. He said it would probably not come back for about six months. By then I will be taking Tamoxifen, so it may not come back at all until I stop taking that. In five years. He is confident that I won't have any problems getting pregnant and that chemo has had no adverse impact on my eggs or ovaries and my kids will not be born with two heads or anything. It is possible to get pregnant while taking Tamoxifen, even though I may not be menstruating, so that should be avoided, but he doesn't think that this whole thing will impact my ability to have children. He might also support taking Tamoxifen for two years, having a baby and then resuming the Taxomifen, but I'm missing 50% of that equation right now, so we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
He couldn't promise that my cancer won't come back, but he doesn't have any reason to think it will. He said he'd only be able to say I was cured when I was 70 or 80 and hanging out with my 18 grandkids. He said he could almost promise me that I would, at some point during the next five years, have a scare of some sort where I found a lump or my back hurt and we'd have to wait a few days to get it scanned and I would lose sleep over it and it would end up being nothing. He was very nice about reassuring me that I had done everything that we needed to do to fight this and that most likely everything would be fine, but understood that this is cancer and it is something that I will worry about a lot.
If nothing else, I know that I'm normal and certainly not the first cancer patient to have this little freak out. I think now that chemo is over I've actually stopped for the first time to process the enormity of the situation and I'm not going to lie to you, that part sucks. But life must go on!
I go back in six weeks to see him and we'll start Tamoxifen then. Tomorrow morning I go for my radiation simulation and I'll learn more about that process and when I start, etc. I'll be sure to fill you in afterwards!
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