Flashbacks

I try not to spend a lot of time thinking about chemo because there really isn't much fun in it. But yesterday I was having a conversation with someone else who has been affected by this disease and I couldn't remember the name of one of the drugs I took during chemo to help with vomiting, so I started reading back through my blog entries from that time to see if I could find it. Immediately I was sitting in the infusion room again, the smell of heparin in my nostrils and a slight breeze cooling my bald head. I could taste the too sweet popsicles that I sucked on to prevent mouth sores and just the memory of it all was enough to send my stomach into the chemo induced flip-flop that is all too familiar. I sat at my desk and tried to talk my stomach down, afraid that I'd get sick in my office. It took me a while to replace those still all too real memories with ones that didn't make me want to vomit. Nine months later and I still can't eat a turkey sandwich.