To Rest Peacefully

To say that cancer messes with your head would be an understatement. Even though I'm in a good place now and learning how to live after cancer, there are still times that it throws you for a loop. Saturday was one of those days. I went to Fredericksburg to attend the funeral of a family friend who passed away from cancer. His tumor was in a location that made it inoperable. I saw him late last fall and we compared notes on chemo and radiation and sympathized over baldness. He acknowledged to me then that he knew the treatments were just buying him time. And then he told me that he was okay with that, and he was ready to die.

That's something I've thought a lot about since I last saw Doug. I hope that if I ever have to accept my own mortality, I'll be able to accept it and find peace in the situation. But I don't plan on going down without a fight! I'll admit that in my darker moments I thought a little bit about what my funeral would be like, but I had a hard time imagining it because by the time I die of old age, who knows what funerals will entail.

Days like this, though sad, make me feel incredibly lucky that my prognosis is so good. There are too many people who aren't so lucky. Can we please find a cure, already?