Spring Breakdown
Last night I suffered I think my largest emotional breakdown of this whole process. I think it was only the third time I've cried during this ordeal.
While getting ready for bed, the final set of steri-strips came off of my largest, and decidely most personal, incision. I knew it was there. It had to be since that's where they took the cancer out. But that flimsy little piece of tape had prevented me from looking it in the eye. With that gone, there was nothing to prevent me from staring straight into what, at that moment, looked like a hole that would reopen at any time and leave me permanently scarred and disfigured.
Fortunately, the light of morning shed some clarity on the situation and I now realize it's not as horrible as I originally thought. I'm sure it will heal just fine and hopefully not even scar too badly. I realize I'm lucky, because I still have my breast. I can't imagine what it must be like to remove that bandage for the first time and see an angry red line where your breast was the day before.
So I thank you for dealing with my irrationality. I'm sure there will be plenty more where that came from.
While getting ready for bed, the final set of steri-strips came off of my largest, and decidely most personal, incision. I knew it was there. It had to be since that's where they took the cancer out. But that flimsy little piece of tape had prevented me from looking it in the eye. With that gone, there was nothing to prevent me from staring straight into what, at that moment, looked like a hole that would reopen at any time and leave me permanently scarred and disfigured.
Fortunately, the light of morning shed some clarity on the situation and I now realize it's not as horrible as I originally thought. I'm sure it will heal just fine and hopefully not even scar too badly. I realize I'm lucky, because I still have my breast. I can't imagine what it must be like to remove that bandage for the first time and see an angry red line where your breast was the day before.
So I thank you for dealing with my irrationality. I'm sure there will be plenty more where that came from.
Comments
Do not apologize, for you are entitled to feel pain and sorrow for all you have been through and are still going through. You are entitled to be angry and sad and scared. That is why we are all here. We will pull you through those hard moments. Don't feel like you have to apologize or go it alone. I love you more than you will ever know.